Vulnerabilty Is Essential To A Healthy Marriage

We fear and deny it's existence. However, vulnerability is what emotionally connects us to others; especially our partners. I am reminded of this in sessions with couples and while reading Elayne Savage's, Breathing Room. She brings up many aspects of our internal self that can lead to healthy or damaging ingredients to a relationship. There are many types of vulnerability, but my focus is on relationship-vulnerability. We must put our walls down and give into our vulnerabilities while our partner does the same, or else the relationship "feels" one-sided.

We dress a certain way, act a certain way, or even drive a certain car, just to mask our vulnerabilities. We do this because we think that others will love us more for this because it's what "I think people want me to be." We begin to believe the "lie" is the truth and deny our authentic self. Thus, the little girl or little boy inside gets ignored and eventually rebels, and starts drinking, smoking, or choosing other "not-so-healthy coping mechanisms.

I challenge those of you in loving relationships to slowly let the walls down and let us see who you REALLY ARE!

Is Your Marriage Child Centered?

or is your marriage "work centered," "money centered," etc... In my work with couples I have seen that marriages (and I am only speaking of heterosexual relationships at this time) that focus solely on their children and not enough time on THEIR relationship, struggle, to say the least. It is extremely important that each spouse takes the time out to say, "Hey, I need a date night with you." The message you teach your children is that a relationship between you and your partner is cherished. Remember, the greatest testimony of how we do as parents, is to see our children get into their own loving and fulfilling relationships. At that point we know we did our job, or at least we did the best we could.